Yesterday was hard to get through but somehow, I made it.
This morning I woke up and was going to get beets from the store so I could drink beet juice all day but I was too tired to go to the store, so instead I just drank carrot juice, apple juice, lemon juice, and a mixture of apple/celery juice.
My day looked a lot like this:
In the afternoon, we took the tram uptown and walked around in the sun. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed being out in the sun, but for some reason all I could think about was food. I started to get really tired, and cranky. On the drive home I thought I was going to fall asleep. When we got home, all I could do was crawl into bed and fall asleep.
Even typing this now, I still feel a little tired, a little groggy, and a little dissapointed. I know I made it farther than The Boyfriend did with this fast, and even farther than I did last time I tried this (last fall when we only made it one day) but for some reason I envisioned myself lasting a lot longer and feeling a lot better. Let's face it: fasting isn't easy, and thoughts of food become all-consuming. I could never cut it as a starving artist or homeless person.
Last night I made it through the night by telling myself to imagine it like any other challenge I would face in life. Yes, it may be painful and hard at times, but the pain won't last forever, and this too shall pass. When I'm running races, there are times I want to stop, but I don't. I push through and somehow cross that finish line, and the resulting feeling is worth it. I imagined feeling somewhat the same with this fast; knowing that yes, it was hard, but proud to have made it through.
But that's not how I feel. The problem is, I don't think I will ever feel good "enough" to bring this fast to an end. When would I finally call it over? When I feel clean enough? When I feel like I've lost enough weight? When I feel like I've detoxed (from a life that was almost entirely clean to begin with?) Is it over tonight, on Saturday night, when I go to sleep, meaning I break it Sunday morning? Or is it over Sunday morning, after I've already juiced? Is it over Sunday night, after juicing all day, and then I eat food for the first time on Monday?
I had wanted to do a 4 day fast, and technically that means I'm done tonight. Therefor we have decided to bring this fast to an end and I will eat food tonight. Partly because I don't think I will ever be satisfied with how this fast ends, and partly because if I stop now I can salvage what's left of this weekend and not spend it being entirely cranky and hungry.
In general, I don't feel that much different. I guess the dissapointment comes in because I was expecting to feel like I participated in this huge detox and cleanse. Overall, I feel the same. I don't feel like I detoxed. I feel the same, except maybe hungry. Perhaps it did more good than I'm giving it credit for and I just haven't noticed yet, and maybe my internal organs are thanking me for giving them rest for 4 days. Only time will tell...